That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize