I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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