God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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