I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
