I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
