omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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