oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
