I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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