Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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