i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
