I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just pee around me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
