i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
