I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize