we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Randomize
