Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
