i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
