I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
