About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
