New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
