we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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