to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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