guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Its about making memories worth repressing
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize