They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
