She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
