I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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