Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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