I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
