Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
