who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
