I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
