Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
