its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The ass gains better be worth it
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