wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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