I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
