I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We have started to decorate penises.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
