Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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