It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
