My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
