Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
