why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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