she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
