is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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