i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
