I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
