soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
