Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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