I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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