The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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