I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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