Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
