Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize