the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
