I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
