Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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