you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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