i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We smell like vodka and hangover
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