I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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