u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
