Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
