Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
