So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
