My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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