Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
