You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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