I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
