I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
