Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
