I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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