i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize