I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
