i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The beer is more important than you right now.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Terrible idea I love it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize