DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
