my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It was confusing and full of hummus
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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