Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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