I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
