I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
we're so committed to being not committed
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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