I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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