so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize