I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
