Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
