i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
