but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize