Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
