Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
