I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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