I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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