Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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