the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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