is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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