"it" just moved
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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