I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize