her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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