this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
